HOW 2 SELF COMICS

It takes practice, but it‘s a lot easier for me than believing in the ones that do

I’m not an evangelical denier on the issue, but I see no evidence to support the idea of a god that is busily choreographing everyone’s lives. Unless of course, that god happens to a horrible choreographer. I have a much easier time believing in a god who set everything in motion and then took a long nap. But that’s a hands-off god who needs an alarm clock more than our prayers. Between my lack of a personal religious history, and the overbearing, confused antics of “true believers,” I don’t expect I’ll be hooking up with an off-the-rack god anytime soon.


COGNITION COMICS

It’s just weird to experience

There are no images, videos, or sound bites in our brains. Nor are there words, definitions, or memorized Nantucket limericks. There are only patterns of synapses firing. That’s it. Just a clump of damp tissue processing patterns.

Everything our senses see, hear, smell, taste, and feel is converted into these patterns. This is the one and only way we know the world. The sight, warmth, flavor, and light crisp of a fresh, homemade buttermilk donut all exist for us only as synapses firing in specific patterns. Even our lust for buttermilk bar bakers is just a pattern.


COVID COMICS

But just a tiny, little, wee bit

As nutty as this sounds, I’m gonna miss pandemic life.

Don’t get me wrong. I am VERY excited to get back to normal. My first shot is today, and I feel like a kid in a candy store, in Disneyland, on my birthday, an hour before my dad comes back from a long trip with a new puppy.


CANINE COMICS

Till one left

My wife put me on a two year notice that, when our son turned 13, we were getting a second dog. I never liked the idea. We had a well behaved 8 year old labradoodle named Beegu that was already actively abrading my patience and the last thing I wanted was to double down.


COMIC COMTEMPLATIONS

And what that even means

It’s taking me a long time to figure out who I am. And I’m still not done. Part of the delay in unraveling this enigma is getting a grasp on what it even means to ask such a question.


COGNITIVE COMICS

Spoiler: I don’t know

The accumulated breadth and depth of human knowledge is staggering. But even the sharpest minds still only know a fraction of what’s going on inside us. The cortex is just a small part of our brain. While it does all of our analyzing, planning, and pontificating, it has only limited access to what we actually feel, or need.


COMPETITION COMIC

Only my social media “friends” know for sure.

I’ve never been bothered by the social media bragging problem that many of my friends complain about. I suppose it’s possible that my social media circles are so lame that no one I know ever has any upsettingly good news to share. But more likely, I am simply not noticing the incessant boasting that torments them.

I suffer some social blindness, often not reading the mouse-over, alt-text underneath many social interactions. Maybe the reality is that my social media “friends,” are constantly pissing on me with their marvelous achievements, but I’m just seeing it as people sharing good news.


But it beats not thinking about it at all.

We live in a mystery, wrapped in a riddle, immersed in an enigma, and pressed in a puzzle. No one knows how we got here. No one knows where the hell here even is. And most pressingly, no one knows what we should be doing until it’s time to go.


COUPLING COMIC

Despite a thousand rom coms

The typical story is that it may take some time to meet the right person, and it may take a little perseverance to clear an obstacle or two. But in two hours or less, it will be done and happiness will ensue.

I get it. I love film where Good reliably kicks Evil’s ass, especially when it’s with their feet. It’s satisfying to see the world the way I want it to be. But I am quite clear that I can’t beat anyone up with my feet. I’m happy to do the yoga required to clip my toenails.

But the…

David Milgrim

Top Writer in Psychology, Satire & Humor; Trying to Feel Okay, One Comic at a Time; Contact me at sitemail1000@gmail.com or www.milgy.com

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