Calculating Captions

Am I this guy?

I just posted this gag panel:

But I liked the set up so I kept at it and ended up having my own caption contest. This was, perhaps, the best choice from a handful of other caption contenders. Here are the other finalists.

I fear that I ended up being like this guy, trying to determine the most effective solution to the problem. In fact, here’s one more I thought of while typing this: