Hi Lorrae,

Thanks for the reply. I get it and agree with much of what you are saying. Trying hard without response is a big drag. But it also makes me sad to read this. We evolved to be in community and feeling isolated is painful.

I agree that some people seem to simply be more likable. Some are tougher. But I think most everyone is ultimately likable. I already like you. Your honesty and willingness to put it out there are admirable.

I’ve given this issue quite a bit of thought, both for my own sake and for others I love. My own take is that there is actually a fine line between being likable and not. Though these things have taken me a long time to employ, I find that seemingly small things like sharing the air and not yucking other people's yum make a significant difference. It has made me think that personality tweaks, and not major overhauls, are what makes the difference.

Then it is a matter of who we are around. Some people are unreachable. Values may just be too different. Some are open and tolerant of variation. I’ve been adjusting my own radar from those that are too cool for school to those who display this basic openness.

And finally, modern culture makes it very very difficult to make close friendships. We’re all up against it. Being somewhere on the spectrum, it’s all the more pronounced. Repeated exposure over time helps me connect.

It’s all a work in progress for me still. But I find hope. And the last thing I want to do is repeat the situation where I’m doing all the work and still never measuring up. I just want to be a better person and put out what I want back. Basic Golden Rule stuff. After that, I’m trying to look for others who find this to be enough.

Warmly,

David